Q&A: "I'm sick of being told ADD is a crutch."
Last week this came to my inbox as a notification to a post in a forum that I subscribe to. I deleted that email but woke up thinking about it this morning, and an answer popped into my head as if the angels demanded that I answer.I chose to answer the question on the forum and share it here too. This is the full version I had to shorten to post on the forum (including links and images).
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❓First: Are you using it as a crutch? Be truthful with yourself. You may be, even without recognizing it. ADHD is challenging, but I've used the “ADHD” label as an excuse before, and I've observed others doing the same. Many times, we hold ourselves back because of our limiting beliefs and the narratives we create.
❓ Secondly, our beliefs shape our identity. The subconscious mind, which drives our daily actions, influences 95% of our behavior. We are what we think we are.
Returning to relying on ADHD as a crutch unknowingly: Despite following the right tools and productivity methods, you may overlook the impact of subconscious beliefs.
While ADHD impacts brain function and behavior, it doesn't define our entire being, and we can take steps to reduce its influence.
❓Thirdly, you might be upset because your friends pointed it out, hinting you're relying on it for support. Being called out can be uncomfortable. Consider these possibilities.
❓Fourthly, no one can “make” you feel anything. What people’s words and actions do are trigger feelings within us that come from our own stories, biases and insecurities. Their words and actions are the results of their narratives, experiences, biases and insecurities.
I know that this point is controversial, easier said than done, and some people really are assholes. You can’t do anything about your friend’s thoughts, only yours.
❓ Fifth, why do you care what she says? You can decide not to give a fuck. Don’t give your friend that power. You can choose how you feel and whether you remain in those feelings.
Her urging you to keep all your things in one spot or “just start making to-do lists” are unhelpful. They’re simplistic, show an absense of understanding of you and your brain, and lack compassion. However, that’s her shit, not yours. Her words are an expression of what she projects onto you. Your feelings project right back. Don’t take the bait. Don’t be the projection screen. Shield yourself.
Imagine yourself like Wonder Woman with cuffs that deflect her words.
Cosplay at San Diego Comic-Con (SDCC 2012)
By Pat Loika - Supergirl and Wonder Woman., CC BY 2.0,
Decide not to care. Take that power back. Trust me; life is so much better when you decide not to. (Also, I recommend two books with “f*ck” in the title: Unfu*k Yourself: Get Out of Your Head and into Your Life by Gary John Bishop and “The Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving a F*ck” by Sarah Knight.)
❓ 6. I believe that the stress of caring what others think can make our ADHD symptoms worse.
I think your ADHD may feel stronger when you're stressed. The part of your brain that stress affects, the hypothalamus, can make it worse. It controls how you react emotionally and physically to stress, which can impact your depression and anxiety. You can manage this. People with ADHD often focus on negative thoughts, but we do better when we're calm. Your struggles with ADD, depression, and anxiety aren't your fault. Changing how you think and accepting your feelings instead of resisting them can make a difference.
❓ 7. Choose love over hate towards yourself and your friend. Decide that you ARE coping. One of my favourite mantras: “I choose love instead of this.” (That said, only use it when you really need to choose love over hate. A statement such as, “I choose love instead of this” can be a way to bypass feeling necessary uncomfortable emotions.)
As someone above said,
it can be your reason, but I challenge you not to use it as an excuse. It is empowering to have a label for the reasoning behind your executive function issues. Your choices are still your own, what is holding you back from implementing these things that you have researched?
We can’t control other people’s behaviour but we can control how we react and who we spend time with.
I hope this helps. I empathize.
Originally drafted on February 24, 2019, imported to this website in May 2024. Please forgive any wonky formatting or broken links. I recognize that I used inconsistent numbering and for that, I apologize. I’ll do better.